Hollywoods charity case for 2008

Another night, another otherwise deserved award granted to a movie chosen by Hollywood’s slaves. This years award theft? Slumdog Millionaire. A pathetically boring movie that caters to the bullshit trends formed by Hollywood to see what kind of shit they can come out with this time. We all know Ledger didn’t win those awards because he was genuinely GOOD, but because he DIED. None of the other nominees where good either. They just catered to the crap Hollywood wished for everyone to conform to. Look at the nominees. Its the SAME MOVIE. So why did Slumdog win? Same plot. Same filming style. BUT OH DANG. It has POOR INDIANS OVERCOMING POVERTY. The rest of the people in their hometown are dying from starvation and such, and we give them a trophy. Great going, Academy. Pity awards make me gag. I pray that this year has better movie choices. Oh who am I kidding. Best movies so far have been Gran Torino and Coraline. Still can’t wait for Watchmen.

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Underworld should be 10 feet under

More bad vampire flicks. I could puke.

Just saw a preview thing on television about the new Underworld movie. It said “Better than the first two!”. Because it obviously could get worse then those? Aha.

Underworld is a horribly filtered, horribly written, horribly acted, pathetic excuse for a vampire movie. It’s just the methed up version of Twilight.

I know this isn’t a review, but I am just annoyed at seeing ads for it and am hoping that less viewers might convince the producers to just shelf it.

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Seven Pounds (and how to lose them) SPOILER

So, being the movie addict I am, I have been watching the critics closely with Seven Pounds. It looked like another lame Will Smith movie. And guess what? It is just another lame Will Smith movie. The trailer made me want to throw my Men in Black DVDs in the trash because of how low Will Smith has dropped. So here’s my take on Seven Pounds.

It sucks. Don’t waste your money. Allow me to waste several minutes of your life so you won’t waste several hours and dollars of yours.

Will Smith is a pathetic, emo black man that pretends to be his brother to track down 7 random people that need some sort of transplant. He feels the need to do this because he cause a traffic accident that killed his fiance and 6 other random people. He feels all emo about it and after listening to several Fall Out Boy CDs, he climbs into a bath tub filled with ice and puts a jelly fish into it and kills himself and donates his organs to those 7 random people. And then the woman that got his heart falls in love with the man that got his eyes.

This is just a pathetic ridiculous story about a man that is too pathetic to try to get over tragedy and live his life and be happy for having a second chance. If he wanted to help people, he could have built a homeless shelter of something. But no, he takes the easy way out and offs himself. It’s just telling people that being emo and killing yourself can be justified if you donate your organs. Oh. Please. I’ve seen less drama on MySpace or on the SOAP network. You’ll only leave the theater crying because you could have spent the time you spent in the theater out shopping for Christmas gifts or picking up women or finding a cure for cancer.

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Twilight Dawning

Well, it seems as those the POS mods that decide which sites can and cannot be viewed on public computers has found my blog to be “inappropriate”. Well, that may be, but I’m still beyond annoyed. Anyways, tomorrow is the day that I, along with millions of other sane souls, have been dreading. The release of the abomination, Twilight. *insert_inappropriate_gagging_noises* Honestly, what do people see in this crap? It’s like “Oh em gee, my name is Bella and I’m a plain Jane. Ooh, look at that emo eye candy over there. I’m going to go hit on him.” “Hello, I am Edward and I’m a vampire and I sparkle and can stand in sunlight which is totally out of character for a vampire and I make no sense and have no personality. Lets make out.” “Buahaha, I’m a bad guy and I randomly want to kill Bella because she’s totally interesting, with her apparent lack of personality and attractiveness. Lulz.” Like,  what? Why would you pay to see that? Why not just go read some Dracula fanfiction if you’re that desparate. But now it’s going to be a movie. Oh. Great. Now we have to SEE, like visibly SEE the patheticness of it. Like have you seen the trailer? They have a gross blue filter on it to make it look even more cold and emo than anything should be. I mean I am seriously annoyed at it, and I love the colour blue. And then the terrible acting. Oh God, the ACTING. William Shater would kill himself over that acting (and thats saying something). It’s like “I *pause* want you so *pause* much and uh *pause* stuff”. It’s a trainwreck. I’m aware that somehow, this series is popular. Somehow, it has a fan base. And that I will probably get a million angry messages from people about this. But Twilight sucks. It’s a peice of crap. Dear pathetic, love desparate morons, and gay guys, FIND SOME REAL LITERATURE TO READ. Read some freaking Poe! That’ll give you your daily intake of emo and you’ll be reading soemthing worthwhile and classic and worth your time and money.

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Saw 5 rambling

Well, I didn’t bother to see Saw 5, as usual. I just looked up what happened. I wish people knew when to stop. Anyways, so going through it, there were so many insignificant characters left and right that its impossible to keep track. And the traps were lacking in intensity. A nice twist though  is that the main 5 people in the traps all could have survived, but ended up killing each other. But that had no connection to the actual plot. It was mostly just a lot of BLAH. Interesting story line, bad execution. Better luck next time? Yes, there will be a next time. Any hope? None what so ever. Maybe they’ll do it right this time. Most likely they won’t, but you never can tell with these movie people. I mean this one wasn’t even as gorey as the others. I think the tracheatomy and the hand crunch were the worse things. Maybe the end where they have to bleed themselves. To see or not to see? Not to see, definately. Even if you love yummy gore.

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Scream 2008

I’m going through a live run through of Scream 2008 on Spike TV

1. Sir Anthony Hopkins is awarded for being a scream legend. He has portrayed some of the most horrifying and dynamic characters to date on the silver screen.
2. Seth Rogan and Kevin Smith make Fantasy movies into pornos. I am officially offended, but that’s just me. Winner in the Fantasy Movie Category: Hellboy 2. Which sucks because those movies are retarded. Oh look, I’m a big smelly demon. I make smash. But the acceptance speech was glorious.
3. Kristen Bell and Stan Lee announce the winners for the comic category. Some guy yelled “You’re the man, Stan!” And I agree 🙂 Winner in Best Comic Book: Why the Last Man
4. World Premere clip from Twilight. Still the stupidest thing I have ever seen.
5. Gary Oldman announces that Heath Leadger wins Best Fantasy Actor and Best Villian for his absolutely stunning performance in the movie, The Dark Knight. He has REVOLUTIONIZED the character, and very much deserves these awards.

And here’s where I get a lie and must stop.

This is why I said I wouldn’t be doing much until my computer was fixed.

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HSM3 Ranting

Alright, so I have a major beef with High School Musical. Besides the fact that it’s just plain retarded, but, excuse me, when did it become ok to lie to the youth of America? I think I’ve been over this before, but this series is a disgrace to film, first of all. But mostly, it presents the youth of America with a sick and twisted view of high school. High school is not a happy place where everyone gets the parts in plays that they want and the basketball team doesn’t win every game and there isn’t a happily ever after. The truth about high school is that you have to work for what you want and compete against cruel, backstabbing freaks that get to the top by lying. In the real world, the valedictorian cheated their way through school, and beats out those that spend hours studying. The ‘beloved’ sports players are not hot, but the school underdogs that are good at nothing else. Every other day, someone gets pregnant. Someone drops out. People you thought you knew end up smoking pot in the parking lot. The cool kids skip school and don’t get into their college of choice. This is the real world. Disney should be ashamed of themselves. I’m sure the songs are cleverly written, and that there’s a good theme deep down in there about friendship and caring and sharing your toys, but this is the 21st century. Every other channel on TV has ED pill ads, weight lose ads, and crime shows with murder. If we’re willing to show them the bad sides of adulthood so easily, then why must we show them lies about high school, which they’ll enter sooner than adulthood? Parents, whether you take your kids to this movie or not, it’s your responsibility to prepare them for the real world, where they will be faced with different races, religions, and hair colours. You need to teach your kid to stand up for themselves and do what they feel is right. You need to explain that not everyone is friendly and caring and that it is a dog eat dog world out there. Disney, stick to the magical, talking animals.

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Angry Movie Blogger!

Raaar! Ok so I’m kind of getting sick of being right about movies. Like for once, I’d love to be wrong about something. There will be no Eagle Eye review, because despite all my prayers, it still sucked. That thing had so much potential! Like the trailer grabbed you and threw you into intensity! But I couldn’t stay away from the early reviewers and discovered that my doubts were right. It bombed. It was nothing but a load of shit thrown together with Shia Lebouf and with Spielberg’s name in the credits. I mean it super-failed. I wanted to scratch out my eyes after just READING a general play-by-play of it! It was basically like: “Oh no, my brother died. Oh hey look, people are after me. Big brother is watching me. Stuff goes BOOM. Oh, this was all my brothers fault. Ladeda, oh look, if the kid plays that note, someone will die, so lets distract him from his music recital” I KNOW, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MOVIE IS THAT!? Like it makes me want to listen to Fall out Boy or something because maybe more suckage will counter that of that movie. But dude, like, that could have been such a great movie without all the supercomputer BS. Like a secret society controlling people and such. That would have been awesome. But no, it was just “Lets stick some random crap together and put some fancy names on it and make a quick buck by scamming innocent movie goers into thinking they’re seeing something worthwhile.” Dear Film industry, GET A FRIGGIN’ GRIP. UGG.

In other news, I saw Repo! The Genetic Opera’s trailer, and I got excited. Because it looks crappy, but the enjoyable, good kind of crappy that makes you go “omg wtf was that…lets see it again.” Haha. I mean, look at the description. Rock opera + Organ Failure. Like that just spells out badassery.   It’s by the SAW guys, so it obviously has a good plot with horrendous pacing and shots.

Anyways, don’t see Eagle Eye. Save your money to go buy a 5 Dollar Foot Long at Subway. It’s healthier than movie theater popcorn and pretzels.

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The blog where I DON’T rant about Harry Potter

So I just watched an amazing trailer.

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809947440/trailer

This is the most original looking thing I’ve seen in ages. I’m really excited about this. I love the sick and twisted. Expect more on this from me later.

On the topic of sick and twisted, I’m still trying to get info on the new SAW.  The 5th annual blood drive for SAW should be at a place near you, so remember to give till it hurts. Anyways, the first trap is the Pendulum Trap, where a man is stuck in a pendulum and must destroy his hands to make it stop. The site clip leaves his fate unknown, but since when has someone survived the opening scene?

And The Twilight movie looks stupider than the books. The lighting and coloring in the trailer looks like a bad photoshop edit. The actors, well, suck. They all look like emo rejects. It’s like “oh….my gosh…I am…a…vampire….letmebiteyouplease.” Please, are we humans so pathetic as to fall for such crap? Get a grip people. Save your money for a rainy day.

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Do movies a favor and..

Don’t see Disaster Movie. Please. And encourage everyone you know too not to go. I think that maybe a a loss of money will be the thing to shut them up for good. Please, for the sake of movies everywhere, do not support this garbage. I know parodies can be funny, but these guys are just being pathetic.

In other news, people are apparently protesting against WB moving the Harry Potter movie date by not going to see it the first week. I don’t blame them for being angry, but I still think they should use the next 9 or so months to go back through the movie and de-crapify it. I invented a word there. Some people don’t like me “attacking” the HP movies. Look, I only do it because I am an insane Potter fan and these movies do not do it justice. In fact, its a travesty! I mean, look at everything they cut for “budget reasons” when they report making tons and tons of money with every release which more then doubles the production cost. They’re only making the movies for money now. The actors are getting progressively terrible (Emma Watson makes me want to puke and Daniel is uglllly!) and they’ve lost so much of the story in cutting out things, that they’re resorting to 2 movies for the final book. The first 2 movies are the best. Chris Columbus was amazing. If you have any complaints,  then first, go reread the series and then watch the movies. I think as fans, we deserve a real movie.

On a Harry Potter note, Happy Birthday to Rupert Grint! He turned 20 yesterday apparently. He’s a very good actor, considering the crap they give him to work with.  Anyways, thank you guys for reading, as always, and I hope to finally report back with some good movie news soon. It’s been bleak lately.

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